Sunday, September 22, 2013
One of Those Aha Moments and Oh Yeah Might be the Worst Daughter Ever...
Their medical history is a long story let's make it short. Because of these challenges my mother was driving my aunt to a Doctor's appointment on Thursday, because of her medical challenges she should not have been behind the wheel. Because she also suffers from a case of terminal stubbornness she did not ask for help from us. They got in a minor accident. Because of her medical challenges she ended up fracturing her patella. My sister and I have been trying to help out and shuttling folks around, oh yeah aunt and brother don't drive. In the midst of all this, my assigned duty yesterday was to take my brother grocery shopping. This is where the aha moment comes in, wait for it. I wish I could have taken an instagram pic on my phone, but I am sure the result of that would have been my mother's exasperated "Kathleen" accompanied with a disappointed look and head shake.
The cart was divided right in half. One side full of medical supplies: adult diapers, all kinds of over the counter meds. etc. The other side the food they planned to eat all week. There were 3 two litre bottles of Pepsi, 5 packs of some processed cinnamon buns, sugar laden cereal, whole milk, hot dogs, every frozen food you can think of, unless it came with vegetables. Did you know you can get tortilla encrusted fried fish with a side of macaroni and cheese? In fact, I did not know this, but you can get almost every food frozen with a side of mac-n-cheese, unless it has a vegetable. I just wanted to snap a picture and post "enough said." Oh yeah to be fair there was one can of green beans.
Now on to the worst daughter ever part. I know I am supposed to help and serve with a happy heart, but when I got back and my bed ridden mother was smoking and my obese brother was unpacking the "food" we just bought, all I wanted to do was get back to my life. I can admit it. I got angry. Because they are in a difficult spot and a lot of responsibility is falling to me and my sister, but I feel like they are there because of their actions and decisions, and that they don't acknowledge that. Yes I helped because they are family, but part of me felt resentful and angry, a part of me felt like an enabler, and part of me felt sad that they won't ever know what life is like if you make different choices. Not really about running today except to say, if you read my blog you are probably someone who has an interest in their health and improving it and good for you. Because you are controlling what you can in service of your family down the road. It is not that we don't all enjoy things from time to time or fall off the wagon, but it is about never getting on and failing to recognize the role that plays in your current health situation.