Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Sometimes Things just Suck...and Other Holiday Greetings
So Friday my husband, the Elementary School teacher, comes home and I just start bawling. Because I know somewhere in Connecticut there was a spouse who was at a fire station realizing when they kissed their spouse good-bye and had the mundane morning chatter of who would run what errand, who's parents to see over the holiday, or the ever important debate what to serve for dinner they did not realize they were having the last mundane conversation they would ever have. But walking in my door was my husband, because Friday it wasn't his school.
Sunday we take my husband's car to have the fuel pump replaced, and here we are on Tuesday night still no car. They replaced the fuel pump but it is still having some problem they can't find. Since we are carpooling, Monday morning allowed me the rare pleasure of dropping my husband off at school or as we now refer to it, the demilitarized zone, because there are cops permanently stationed there until school is out for the holidays. I mean I don't know who doesn't dream of dropping off their husband, the elementary school teacher, and feel relieved to see cops in the parking lot. I also got to try out a new salutation "Good-bye I love you. Oh yeah don't get shot today."
Then Monday my boss decides it is a good time for career counseling, but it sounded more like "since money is not your chief motivator I have decided we should keep you at your current salary but we want to eliminate two manager positions and give you their duties." I explained I would be returning that gift, though I really appreciated the thought. I was also mostly alarmed when my boss followed up today with "thanks for yesterday, that was a good talk." Wow that was a good talk, I wanted to kill myself but you know "different strokes for different folks."
Then today our Water System suffered a loss. An employee of 19 years who had come back from a devastating illness was found dead in his apartment. Mike was a tough, private guy. He always joked because I am so fast and he is so slow after his recovery that we were the tortoise and the hare. Even Friday, the last time I saw him, he said, "remember Kathy the tortoise always wins."
Not feeling the holidays this year, but in the face of all of this I have to look at what I do have: my husband, friends, family, my cats, a home, a job, my health, and food on the table. In the face of what so many have lost maybe the Christmas spirit is still in there somewhere. At least when I run I feel lighter and more centered. It is also where I think of those who have lost so much and try to cling to that gratitude I know I need to hold dear.